Die Screaming With Sharp Things in Your Head BLOG

Gnomes ARE dangerous

2005-04-17T11:58:00.000+08:00

A recent news story proves that gnomes are in fact dangerous after all:

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/04/15/britain.gnome.ap/index.html

Being thin will become illegal

2005-01-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

From the "What the Fuck?" files:

Some fuckwit (probably some overweight, jealous bitch) has decided that being slim should be illegal. Apparently, models should be fatter and will be barred from working if they are too slim.

Where are the laws saying that people 20 kg overweight don't get free health care anymore? These fat bastards go on about the body image portrayed in magazines and then expect us to pay for their heart attack, their stroke, their second heart attack, their diabetes treatment and every other health problem they have.

The fact that 30% of the population in developed nations are obese does not make it normal to be fat. I have news for you corpulent pricks; being overweight is going to kill you.

The fact is that people buy the magazines, go to the fashion shows and buy the clothing. Where do you think the demand is coming from? Instead of being jealous, try going for a walk, lifting something heavy or eating one less 120% pure fat meal from Happy Burger per day.

A threesome with a gun wielding weirdo and a plastic, blow up gnome?

2005-01-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

Yes, that's what I was offered yesterday, when I was interviewed on Washington's WJFK 106.7 FM radio station. The hosts gave one of their interns an assignment to come up with an interviewee and he chose me based on the Die Screaming site - which probably says something about the intern.

As for the offer - I declined.

Australian Idol can suck my fat, white facist cock.

2004-11-08T19:36:00.000+08:00

Problem: "Oh no, a talented white male person from Perth might win Idol, what can we do?"

Solution: "Black out the coverage in most of Queensland for most of his best song. That should fuck him up."

Great, now we are left with Jabba the Hut and a gay midget wog. What a bunch of assholes. It makes me sick that they suck so much money out of 13 year old kids (and therefore their parents) for a bullshit competition that achieves the result the organisers have pre-determined.

That's the last time I watch any of this kind of shit again. Thank fuck South park is back on SBS.

TISM

2004-11-07T16:37:00.000+08:00

I just saw Tism perform last night and they were awesome.

Funny spam

2004-09-28T14:31:00.000+08:00

This just arrived for us :

"To whom it may concern, I was just searching in Google, Yahoo and other major search engines for your website and it was not listed on the 1st 2-pages of the search results on the majority of your main keywords listed on your website source code. We found hundreds of search terms that you are missing on your website source code that would definitely generate substantially more visibility, traffic and sales for your company. This is critical for your website, because statistically 85% of websites are found from the top 20 major search engines on the top 20 listings"...blah...blah...blah

Bullshit we aren't listed high in the rankings. Try typing "garden gnomes" into google and see who's on the first page of listings.

Dawn of the Dead

2004-06-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

I recently saw this movie - it was really cool.

It's a remake of the original Romero version. Unlike many remakes, it is actually worth watching. If you do see it, stay for the credits.

Gnomes getting revenge

2004-05-23T10:00:00.000+08:00

This was sent to me yesterday:

"Two people died in an explosion at a garden gnome factory near Zielona Gora in Western Poland on 14 May. Three other workers were injured.
Reuters - 15 May 1998"

Strange Deaths, May, 1998

Great new dead gnome ideas

2004-05-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

Lots of fantastic ideas for gnomes are coming in from fans all the time. The best of them is this:

"I would like to see one half buried inside of a meat grinder sorta like a pink floyd type deal"

Now that is really, really cool. I am now officially scouring secondhand shops looking for a meatgrinder. Look out for the photos when it's done.

Idiots on the freeway

2004-05-21T17:41:00.000+08:00

OK, I give up.

Why do idiots get on the freeway and drive at 20km/h under the speed limit of 100km/h in the fast lane? I cannot figure it out. Yet the same idiot will do 80 in a 60 zone once off the freeway; do their cars have only one speed or something?

If you are an idiot that does this, please leave a comment letting me know why.

Damn, I really want ADSL

2004-05-19T20:42:00.000+08:00

In this little third-world corner of the world, the best that our one and only telecommunications carrier (Telstra) can manage for us is ISDN. Great, a whole 128kbps.

Here's the best part. Telstra has just extended the range for ADSL by 500m and it's possible that we can apply for ADSL again. BUT; to apply through a decent ISP we have to disconnect the ISDN line before we can proceed (at our expense) and reconnect to ISDN again if it fails (again, at our expense). Guess who gets the money from those expenses - Telstra. However Telstra will allow us to apply with them directly without having to remove ISDN first.

Scumbags.

Welcome to our blog

2004-05-18T18:33:00.000+08:00

Herein we will record rants, news and other lunatic ravings from the demented minds of the Die Screaming team. If you somehow got here without seeing the Die Screaming site, here it is:

Die Screaming With Sharp Things in Your Head